Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes
As leaders, our most fundamental role is to encourage others to follow. While we can sometimes get this to happen in spite of ourselves, as effective leaders we know that it’s vitally important that we understand those around us by practicing what I call Follower Reflection.
When we are able to take the time to stop, listen and learn more about the people we work with, we have the opportunity to understand what motivates them and discover how we can help them to achieve their goals.
Being able to understand others doesn’t come quickly or easily. To continue on with my bag of rocks metaphor (which represents our values, assumptions, beliefs and expectations or VABEs), many of us are carrying around so many rocks that it’s hard for us to recognize our own rocks let alone the rocks that others have hiding in their bags.
But as leaders, that is exactly what we need to do. We need to encourage those around us to share glimpses of the rocks they are carrying.
But as I’ve said before, if we try to force someone to show us their bag of rocks they will likely become defensive and keep their rocks for our view. So the direct, interrogation approach is not recommended.
If we want to understand what someone’s VABEs are, asking a lot of direct questions will only lead to guarded answers at best. Folks are usually reluctant to share their most private VABEs until they feel safe doing so.
So how do we get to see the rocks others are carrying around?
We Observe
We get to see a glimpse of the rocks others have in their bag by keenly observing and paying attention to the things they do and say. For example, just a quick walk through the “cube farm” of a busy office will give you a look at a number of rocks that people have.
Next time you are walking by someone’s work space, take notice of how it’s decorated. What pictures do they have in their area? If they have pictures of family and they bring in new pictures on a regular basis, you may have gotten a look at a rock they carry that represents family as one of their core values.
We Engage
We can also get to see the rocks of others when we engage them in ordinary conversation. Again, we need to take the time to pay attention and not be directly interrogative.
For example, I remember a coworker who was out the door every day promptly at 5:00. Through her actions it was assumed that she didn’t care as much about the mission of the organization (it was a nonprofit, direct service organization) as the rest of us.
However, getting to know her over time through little snippets of conversation in the break room, I learned that she lived alone and in order to pay the high rent in our area she was working a second job. At the same time she was going to school at night to get her Master’s Degree in Counseling.
So not only was the assumption that she didn’t care about the organization’s mission completely wrong, this young women was so deeply committed to the mission, she was willing to work two jobs to live where the organization was AND further her knowledge and education so that she could better serve the clients. That turned out to be a great big rock that she allowed me to see over time.
We Share
Sometimes others need to feel safe before they will let us see the rocks they are carrying around. In any relationship a level of trust needs to be established before the individuals can feel safe.
One way to develop the trust needed to allow others to share a look at their rocks is to share the rocks that we carry around. As we are engaging others we can open our bag to let them see some of our rocks.
I don’t want to make this seem over simplistic because it’s not, but sharing our rocks in this manner can create a “you’ve shown me yours, so I’ll show you mine” kind of dynamic.
It’s important to realize that our purpose for wanting to see the rocks that others carry is so that we can understand what motivates them so that we can help them achieve their goals. We should, as they say, use this power for good, not for evil.
As we learn more about our followers we need to make sure we are not manipulating them towards our will by using the rocks they have shown us against them.
Leader’s Reflection: When we practice Follower Reflection on a regular basis we take the time to stop and learn more about the people we work with, allowing us understand what motivates them and discover how we can help them to achieve their goals. We are able to get glimpses of the rocks others are carrying around when we observe, engage and share with others.
