Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes
In two of my previous articles, I looked at an explanation of why people behave the way they do and why it’s important for leaders to monitor their own behavior. In this article, I’d like to explore why this is all so important for leaders to understand as they are working with others.
To quickly review: as we experience various “events” we filter what we experience through the rocks that we carry around with us (our values, assumptions, beliefs, and expectations). This filter allows us to add our perception and judgement to what we’ve observed, leading us to a conclusion about what we have experienced. This conclusion is then altered by our current emotions and feelings and finally we react to initial event. Most times we go through this process in milliseconds, making it seem like we have an “immediate” reaction.
As I’ve said before, one of our fundamental roles as leaders is to encourage others to follow and one best ways to do that is to understand what motivates our followers and discover how we can help them to achieve their goals.
What Rocks Are They Carrying Around?
I’ve observed in the past that a key to this, of course, is understanding who they are as individuals by working in a deliberate way to understand what rocks they are carrying around in their bags. But this is only part of the equation. It allows us to understand what rocks they may be using to filter events through, but this may still not explain their behavior.
Make no mistake, when we get to know those around us and they allow us to see the rocks they carry around with them it can go a long way to understanding how they will react. But knowing what our coworkers values and beliefs are won’t always account for their behavior if the conclusion they have drawn is faulty or their current emotions and feelings end up driving their behavior.
Have They Come To The Right Conclusion?
As individuals we need to take care and slow down our reaction time so that we know we have accurate information in order to appropriately process what we have experienced.
As leaders, we can help those we work with to see events more clearly. This is where transparency comes into play (I recognize that transparency is becoming a quickly overused buzzword these days, but I am using it here on purpose.).
When we provide others with the information that was previous hidden to them, they can immediately have a better understanding of what they’re experiencing. The more information we can give to folks, the more information they have at their disposal so that they can choose to use the appropriate rocks to filter their experiences through.
How Are They Feeling?
The other thing we can do as leaders it to not only recognize the emotions and feelings of others, but also help them to articulate those emotions and feelings. When we help others to recognize their emotions and feelings it helps mitigate how much emotions will drive their behavior.
This in itself is easier said than done because many of us have trouble recognizing and articulating our own feelings, let alone what others are feeling. But by drawing attention to the fact that we all have emotions and feelings and that they have an effect on our behavior, instead of pretending that there is no place for emotions and feelings in the workplace, we start to help others be in better control of their emotions.
You may remember the FISH!
Every day we should accept and acknowledge our attitude, otherwise it has the potential to overwhelm our interactions with others. As leaders we can help create the workplace that we want by helping others to not only accept their attitude, but to choose a positive attitude each day.
We all know that when we have a positive attitude, the positive emotions and feelings will follow. And when we are experiencing positive emotions and feelings we are more likely to behave in ways that are more congruent with our rocks.
Leader’s Reflection: In order for leaders to be attuned to the behaviors of those around them, they not only need to see and respect the rocks others are carrying, they also need to make sure they are giving their followers the crucial information they need to accurately interpret the events happening around them. Leaders also need to help others recognize and articulate their emotions and feelings so that appropriate behavior and reactions are not overtaken by emotions.
