Reading time: 4 – 7 minutes
In previous articles I’ve looked at exploring what we value and how to live our values. But our values only make up a part of who we really are as individuals.
Jim Clawson of the Darden School of Business at the University of Virginia identifies the things that make up who we are as VABEs: our Values, Assumptions, Beliefs and Expectations. He suggests that we develop our VABEs over time and that they are so much a part of us that we aren’t always aware of them.
Many years ago I had a boss that described this idea differently. He had told me of a professor he had years early who had given him the original metaphor. I so enjoy his description that it has become part of the my explanation.
The idea is that going through life is like walking along a dirt path. As we walk along we are carrying a bag slung over our shoulders, much like the sack that Santa Claus would carry.
Collecting Rocks
Making our way down the path of life, we come across rocks on the path. These rocks would be Clawson’s VABES. Some rocks we pass by, some we pick up and examine. After examining a rock we may choose to discard it or we may decide to keep it.
The rocks (values, assumptions, beliefs and expectations) that we keep as we make are way down the path of life we put into our bag. I like to say that the what we carry over our shoulder is our baggage, though I don’t like the negative connotation that the word “baggage” carries with it these days.
Over time, the rocks that we collect become precious to us. In total, our rock collection makes up who we are as individuals. Sometimes as we walk along we find a new rock that may take the place of one of our old rocks. Maybe it’s something we learn that has us question one of our previous VABEs. With the new rock in our bag, we no longer need the old rock so we discard it on the path.
Examining Our Rocks
Our rocks come in different sizes. Some of our most deeply held values and beliefs tend to be large, almost bolder size rocks. Others are nice skipping stone size that we can easily hold in our hands.
As we make our way down the path of life we use these rocks in our interactions with others. When we communicate with others we do so through the filter of the rocks we carry in our bag. During each of our interactions we reach back into our bag and use different rocks. But we only use what we can see. Some of our rocks are only partially sticking out of the bag and some are hidden way down at the bottom.
Periodically we need to examine the rocks we are carrying around in our bag; all of them. When we know which rocks we are carrying around, we have more to choose from when we communicate with others. Instead of only relying on a few well-worn rocks, we are able to match our rocks with the current situation. This gives us a much wider range of responses to use in different circumstances.
Examining Other’s Rocks
When we are able to take the time to reflect on the rocks we are carrying around in our bag, we not only have a better understanding of who we truly are as individuals, we also begin to understand others. As leaders, it becomes imperative that we try to understand others by getting a glimpse of the rocks they are carrying around in their bags.
This is not an easy task because many of us hold our bags tightly closed, only allowing folks to see the rocks we want them to see. We need to feel comfortable before we let others see the rocks hiding further down in our bags.
Understanding the VABEs of others is not something that happens quickly. It’s a process that has to happen over time. If we tried to wrestle open someone’s bag full of rocks, they would feel threatened and attacked. They would protect their rocks from us and we would never get to see what was in their bag.
We gain an understanding of other’s VABEs by interacting with them in a genuine way. With a simple question like, “How was your weekend?”, you may tell me about the wonderful time you had playing with your kids at the park. From this I would get to see your rock that represents how much you value family.
Through organic contacts like this, over time we start to get a clearer picture of the rocks others are carrying around in their bag. When we have a better understanding of these rocks, we have a better understanding of what makes people tick allowing us to more effective work with, manage and lead others.
Leader’s Reflection: Our values, assumptions, beliefs and expectations make up who we are as individuals. As we make our way down the path of life collecting our rocks, we carry them in our bag mostly hidden from others. When we take the time to periodically reflect on what rocks we have in our bag, it gives us more responses for dealing with different circumstances. Since everyone is carrying around their own bag of rocks, to be an effective leader we need to spend time trying to see what rocks our followers are carrying.
